When they do take a moment for themselves, they feel selfish, indulgent, and guilty which is why they are often on the go, rushing to get things done. Because people pleasers accomplish so much and are easy to get along with, they are often the first to be asked to do things - they are vulnerable to be being taken advantage of.
People pleasers were most likely raised in homes where their needs and feelings were not valued, respected, or considered important. They were often expected as children to respond to or to take care of other people’s needs. Or they may have been silenced, neglected, or otherwise abused, thus learning that their feelings and needs were not important.
In many cultures, girls are raised to be people pleasers
to think of others’ needs first, and to neglect their own.
Many women have at least some degree of people pleasing in them. Men who identified with their mothers often do as well.
People pleasers’ focus is mostly on others and away from themselves. They often feel empty, or don’t know how they feel, what they think, or what they want for themselves. But it’s possible to change this pattern and to feel better about yourself.
I managed to learn how to break out of this cycle. You can do the same thing if you see yourself in the above description. You want to know how? It’s easier than you think!
First, practice saying NO. This is a very important word! Say it as often as you can, just to hear the word come out of your mouth. Say it out loud when you are alone. Practice phrases with NO in them, such as, "No, I can’t do that" or "No, I don’t want to go there". Try it for simple things first, and then build your way up to harder situations.