1. Agree if you both want children, and, if so, when and how many. If you can not agree on that, then don't get married. Also, talk about who will be responsible for what when it comes to raising children.
That's not the issue either one of you should compromise on. As you already know, I am very much against marriage unless you want children, but, regardless of what you end up doing, at least agree on
children before you get married.
2. Talk about money. Who will earn it. What kind of lifestyle you both want. What kind of house you both want. Who will be spending money. What will the money be spent on. Disagreements about money are the main reason marriages start having problems. The more on the same page you are about money, the better your chances of a good marriage. Keep in mind that your girlfriend may not be 100% honest with you about money before you get married. She is not likely to tell you that
she wants you to make a lot of money so she can spend a lot of money. So use your best judgement when you have this conversation and make sure what she says agrees with what she does. If she tells you that buying lots of expensive shoes will not be important to her, yet you
know she goes to a mall every week, then she is probably lying. Hire an attorney and write a good pre-nup. Your girlfriend obviously must be willing to sign one.
Document the assets you have before marriage and the value of these assets (that's particularly important if you own a house). Keep these assets separate from the assets you acquire together during your marriage.
After marriage you should have your money, her money, and both of your money (in three different accounts). You should agree on how you will structure that before you get married.
Frequently Asked Questions.
What’s wrong with mainstream marriage/relationships advice?
Mainstream marriage/relationships advice is garbage.
Mainstream marriage/relationships advice assigns men all the responsibility and gives women all the entitlements. It tells man to work long hours, provide good income, split responsibility with his wife at home and with children, and shower his wife with love and affection. Woman on the other hand has to do nothing, and nothing is her fault. Mainstream marriage advice basically says that a man is a slave who has to sacrifice his life for the good of his spoiled wife and kids.
Shows like Oprah and Dr. Phil are in business of making fat, selfcentered American women feel good about themselves. With hubby’s credit card in one hand and a box of bon-bons in the other, they are a great demographic to cater to.
Here is a typical show:
Man: We're not having sex enough.
Audience/Host: You're not romantic enough.
Man: Have spent XXX thousands of dollars on restaurants, candles, flowers, etc.