* Rubenesque - Fat
* Sarcastic - Bought into the whole Gen X irony thing and is really a miserable bore to hang out with.
* Make me laugh - You're expected to be highly entertaining right away.
* Sick of bar scene - She doesn't get hit on at bars due to one or more physical flaws.
* Friends first - Reformed slut
* Tired of games/jerks - I fucked and sucked my way through fifteen counties, but now I want a docile schmuck to pay my bills and not pester me for sex.
* Shapely - Fat
* BBW - Grossly, morbidly obese (Bring Burgers With)
* Must like kids - I want a putz who will break his ass paying for another man's cast off progeny.
* Loves the Outdoors - Closet Lesbo
* Snuggling and Warm Fires - No Sex
* Enjoys Traveling - You're paying, right?
* Fun Loving - Fucked 100 guys
* Meaningful Relationship - Slavery
* Nurturing - Smothering
* Sassy - Insufferable by the third date.
* Bubbly - All fuckin happy all the damn time to the point of annoying.
* No games! - I won't put up with your games, but I will gladly infuriate you with mine.
* Eccentric or quirky - Psycho...
* Grown up man - Sucker willing to marry and support my lazy fat ass.
* Financially Secure - You should own about 200,000 shares of MSFT.
Translation of common phrases from woman-speak into English