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think my head would fit in the neck hole, but then I figured she got her Texas cheerleader hair through there I could get my head in it.  Though, after looking at the pictures, I thought it made me look fat.  How do you women wear this crap? I only had to walk 3 feet and I tripped twice. Don’t worry ladies - I am wearing clothes on underneath it.  I gotta say it did make me feel very pretty.  So if it can make me feel pretty, it can make you feel pretty, especially on the most important day of your life, right?  Anyway, I was told to say it has a train and a veil and all kinds of shiny beady things.  I think it's funny that one picture makes it look like the chest plate off an Imperial Storm Trooper.  Did I mention that all I want is a ball game and beer?  Cheap at twice the price.  Ladies, you won’t regret this.  You may regret the dude you marry but not the dress.

Just a little side note - As I was putting this ad in EBay, it asked me for a color.  Is a wedding dress any other freaking color than white or ivory??!!  If it is it wouldn't be a wedding dress, now would it??  I suppose black would work...

On Apr-26-04 at 10:38:31 PDT, seller added the following information:

Well, the auction is a little over half over and I am just amazed.  This thing has taken more hits than that pothead that lives in the next building.  Man, oh man, if hits were bucks I’d be getting a suite at Safeco.

I also have received TONS of email.  I don’t have the time to reply to all of them but I just want to let everyone know that I appreciate the well wishes.

Of the email I received:

Five or so were invitations to ball games in other states.  Two of those were for little league games.  Do they have those cushy executive boxes with the free chicken wings at those?

One email was from Scotland.  It’s a good thing he wrote it because I wouldn’t be able to understand a word he said.  Never did get through Braveheart.

Most were thanking me for the laugh. You’re entirely welcome.  Five years of misery was well worth the hearty guffaw that was my pleasure to give you.

Oh, yeah.  I also got three marriage proposals.  Yes, you read it right - three marriage proposals.  I feel like one of those mass murderers on death row.  I never understood how the hell they got more chicks than I did.  Now I know.  They sold crap on eBay.

On Apr-26-04 at 23:45:56 PDT, seller added the following information:

Holy Moly!

The hit counter is starting to look like the odometer in my truck! Not the new shiny black full-size 4-wheel-drive American pick-up that I had to part with, but the somewhat older, multicolored, lumpy, tiny, 2-wheel-drive foreign pick-up that belches smoke. A little something about that vehicle, though: it’s absolutely amazing! When I get inside it to go to the store, I am all depressed. But when I arrive at the store, I’m so freaking loopy from inhaling the fumes, I forget why I went there in the first place. I’m saving buckets of money. Of course, I will probably have to spend it all on the tuberculosis I will acquire, but hey, you can’t have everything.

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