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GATEWAY TO HAPPINESS

3. It would be unrealistic and frequently counterproductive for most people to think they have to be perfect in refraining from counterproductive thinking. Demanding perfection from yourself will make you excessively nervous and prone to anger and guilt. A realistic attitude of being aware of your imperfections in this area and working consistently on improvement will definitely bring about positive changes.

4. Do not suddenly try to force yourself to concentrate on what you wish and forcibly drive away other thoughts. Have patience and a willingness to grow little by little. (Cheshbon Hamefesh, no.16)

    • 3.11

      Influencing others.

  • 1.

    The best way to influence other to think and act their way to a happy,

meaningful life is to be a role model of happiness based on gratitude and kindness. (ZP: 2008)

2. Do not go around telling other people how they should feel. Unless you are tactful in getting them to change their way of thinking, they will resent you trying to control their feelings and will ignore what you say.

3. If you want to try to influence someone who feels upset or angry about some event to change his way of thinking, keep in mind that in most instances blithely lecturing or quoting some source will not change him. The tool that is needed is appropriate and skillful questions and a generous amount of empathy. In a calm and friendly voice (the tone of voice is crucial), have the person answer your questions in such a way that he will realize on his own there is another perspective to the situation.

4. Our negative attitudes are learned. This places a major responsibility on adults, especially parents, to be careful about the attitudes they express. One person told me that as a child a number of adults told him how lucky he is that he is still a child since adults have many problems. He grew up with an attitude that being an adult is painful and he has had an extremely hard time trying to overcome it. Whatever your attitude towards life and events, you automatically serve as a model for others. By having attitudes conducive to happiness, you influence others to be happy.

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HAPPINESS IS DEPENDENT ON YOUR THOUGHTS

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