5) In democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes.
6) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7) If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
8) With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9) Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a-flat minor.
10) When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
11) The man who fell in an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
12) A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.
13) You feel stuck with your debt, if you can't budge it.
14) Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15) He often broke into song, because he couldn't find the key.
16) Every calendar's days are numbered.
17) A lot of money is tainted. 'Tain't yours. 'Tain't mine.
18) A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
19) He had a photographic memory, which had never developed.
20) A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21) The short fortune-teller, who escaped from prison, was a small medium at large.
22) Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23) When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
24) Those who jump off of a Paris bridge are in Seine.
25) When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26) Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
27) Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28) Acupuncture is a jab well done.
29) Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
30) What do you call a fake bullet? Sorry, I'm drawing a blank.
31) What's amnesia? I forgot.
The Ten Commandments: Texas Style
1) Just one God.
2) Worship the one who made the cow, not the cow itself.
3) Watch yer mouth.
4) Git yerself ter Sunday meetin'.
5) Honor yer ma and yer pa.
6) No killin'.
7) No foolin' around with another feller's gal.
8) Don't take what ain't yer's.
9) No lyin'.
10) Don't be a-hankerin' fer summun's stuff.
A company, feeling it was time for a shake up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.