"Of course! How else can I catch my dentures?"
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
You can observe a lot just by watching.
Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
By the time we get old enough to care what anybody says about us, nobody says anything.
A conservative is a person who, when seeing someone struggling fifty yards out in a lake, will throw them a forty yard rope, ask them to swim ten yards, then pull them to safety.
A liberal would throw that same person a sixty yard rope, then drop their end and walk off to help with another good cause.
The trouble with winning a rat race is that, even if you win, you're still a rat.
How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
If you ask a bore how he feels, he will tell you.
If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay us to do it?
Did you hear about the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw?
Did you know that half of the world's population is below average?
Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
Myth: a female moth.
Tomorrow: one of the greatest labor saving devices of today.