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Seduction and music videos…

Your daughter wants to know if she is attractive

A

MAKING GOOD CHOICES IN LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

Does she want to look and act like the young women in these videos?

Your daughter seems preoccupied with her appear- ance. You want her to think about what attracts two people to each other. You can respond as follows: “Do you ever wonder why you think someone is really cute and your best friend doesn't? People have different ideas about “who's hot and who's not”. What do you think boys look for in girls, and what do girls look for in boys? What do you think about boys who like girls just for their looks? What would you prefer: a boy who liked you only for your looks, or a boy who appreciated all your good qualities? Why are you friends with this girl or that boy, and why are they friends with you? You have some great qualities that make you a good friend and it's these qualities that attract and sustain relation- ships between people.”

This discussion will allow you to talk about how “beau- ty” means different things to different people and help her understand that beauty is a very subjective issue. A person can be beautiful to some people and unattrac- tive to others. You can encourage her to think about why she prefers the company of the people she likes . She will then be better able to make good choices in friendship and eventually in love.

With the onset of puberty, children begin to interact in different ways; groups of boys and groups of girls begin to disperse as they are attracted to the opposite sex. Some young people try to prove their popularity and raise their status among their friends by adopting cer- tain stereotypical behaviours that are popular within

10 YWCA

their group. Others don't rely on the stereotypical qual- ities of physical beauty or popularity to influence whom they form relationships with. Instead, they are guided by personal qualities such as honesty, kindness, gen- erosity, humour, etc. You can encourage your daughter to make enlightened choices based on true friendship and real emotions, rather than the superficial criteria of beauty and popularity.

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