REACTING TO PEER PRESSURE
If I don't buy it for he , will sh
e feel left out?
You think that your 10-year-old daughter will feel left out if she doesn't wear the sexy clothes that her group of friends considers fashionable.On the other hand,you are not comfortable with the idea of her wearing unsuitable clothing. Here's a possible response.“Do you want this top because all the girls are wearing them? Do you really want to look like all the other girls? Everyone is entitled to their own personality. You don't have to dress a certain way to keep your friends. I don't think this top is appropriate for someone your age because it reveals too much of your body. Why don't you invite your friends over for a costume party? I'll lend you some of my clothes and jewellery and you can all dress up like sophisticated ladies.
Acknowledging your daughter's desires, and taking the time to explain that there is an appropriate age and place to wear certain types of clothing, will demon- strate that you have considered her wishes and opin- ions. When you explain that she does not have to do everything that her friends suggest,you are helping her develop her ability to think and judge for herself. It is also possible to suggest a creative alternative that will encourage the development of another aspect of her personality. This discussion will teach your daughter how to handle a disagreement between two people who have made different choices or who have different opinions.
RESISTING SEXY CLOTHING
She looks cute in it, but is it appropriate for a girl her age?
You like to compliment your daughter's taste in cloth- ing, but you also want to guide her choices and encour- age her to develop her self-esteem and unique person- ality.You could respond as follows:“I agree,the colour of this top suits you, but the style is not appropriate for someone your age. Let's find something really special, something really eye-catching.Do you remember when your cousin came over last week, you really liked her top? I saw something similar in the same blue, come look at it. The other girls will want one just like it and you could start a trend.”
This response will allow you to praise your daughter in an age-appropriate way. You have acknowledged what she wanted and proposed an alternative which could appeal to her sense of originality.You have also encour- aged her creativity and helped her realize her special and unique character.
Wearing sexy clothing generally attracts attention and compliments, and for some people this attention adds value to their physical appearance. This type of atten- tion can lead girls to believe that their value as human
Your daughter knows that some clothes attract atten- tion, but what she doesn't understand is that they may also provoke desire and stimulate sexual excitement in certain adults. She wants to be noticed, feel beautiful and fit in with her group of friends. At ten years of age, your daughter is conscious of her body, her clothes and the look she projects. If a leader in her group or one of her friends wears a particular piece of clothing, she will be tempted to imitate this choice. She can't wait to grow up and she will try to convince you to give in to her demands by telling you that all the kids are wearing this style of clothing. Being in contact with other par- ents and discussing common parenting issues will reveal that all parents hear the same arguments from their children. Other parents can become important allies as you search for common ways to respond to your children's demands.
beings depends on the way their body looks. At 10 years of age your daughter is in the process of building her character and self-confidence. Your praise and attention should focus primarily on her personal quali- ties and abilities rather than on her physical appear- ance.