Press Information issued by Broken Down of Covinshire
Covinshire Council‟s long-serving Press Officer Bill Smith broke down on his way to work this morning. Witnesses at the scene reported no obvious cause for the breakdown, though sources close to Bill Smith said that at a time when global energy use is critical, he had become critical of the energy he was having to use explaining why at Covinshire Council „reduce, re-use, recycle‟ had become „renege, rescind, regurgitate‟; and his wife had finally left him for a man with more money. Bill‟s Honda Jazz, in which only yesterday he had set a new personal mileage record for his “eco-driving” to work, is not thought to have been implicated.
Jeremy clapped his hands, and asked what was eco-driving.
Bill pondered the question then said in a voice so thin it threatened to disappear altogether, that he thought it was an example of consumerist spin to let people like him off the hook.
Annie said that surely the best eco-driving was done with handlebars or by someone in a train, or bus, carrying a load of passengers, or at least by a driver with car-sharers on board. This old van, she said, probably got half the mileage of his Jazz, but with three of them on board it would still be more ecological. Then Jeremy copied Bill‟s press release format, but with all the enthusiasm of a new starter on Radio Five:
Press Information issued by three eco-sharers in a camper van
Three communicators from Covinshire today packed up their troubles in an old kit bag, slung it on board an old camper van, and challenged the world to give them a good green job, or they‟d get moving and find it themselves.
“We could be the eco-jobless,” he said triumphantly. “We could start a new employment agency, and get people to come and grow Maggie‟s burnet.”
“You‟re forgetting about our host,” Annie said. “Where‟s Harold got to?” “Our father which art in heaven, Harold be his name. Give us this steak and daily bread and forgive us our mattresses. Lead a snot into temptation but deliver us some emails.”
“He never did tell us what he was about, did he? Or where he was going?” “He said he was going for a pee.”