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Adult Attachment

there such a prolonged period (sometimes years) of cuddling and flirting before the main event if all the mating ritual is supposed to do is make a baby? One would think the man would leave to pursue other prospects. The idea that all women want the “alpha male” does not make sense in our society. One man could be successful, handsome, and wealthy but not “right” for a woman. This seemingly perfect provider is not all that the woman is looking for. She wants someone she connects with, who will love her, not just provide. She wants that spark.


That spark is romantic infatuation. It can be looked at as the bait to the hook of attachment. Infatuation is the feeling of falling in love. It is the thought that no one else in this world was made for you but this person. It is the butterflies, the great desire to be near the object of affection, and the intense sadness when he or she is not around. It is not just sexual desire. It is more than that. It is what keeps the love struck up all night and makes them forget to eat. It is the first stage in building the lasting bond of real attachment.

Fisher, H., Brown, L.L., Aron, A., & Mashek, D. are currently conducting a study on the neuropsychology of this primary phase. They hypothesize that there is an influx of dopamine in the central nervous system when a person falls ‘in love.” Dopamine would produce the feelings of euphoria that a person feels when they are infatuated with their love object. The sleeplessness, reduced appetite, and the focused attention on the person could all be affects of this dopamine surge. Norepinephrine could also be involved in the uncanny ability of a love struck person to remember all of the seemingly unimportant things that their love object says or does. Norepinephrine is associated with imprinting

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