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Adult Attachment

Other similarities exist that lead to the conclusion that the bond formation mechanism exists not only in childhood development, but also in romantic relationships. (Shaver & Hazan, 1988,1994) A child chooses an attachment figure based on many features: the proximity of the caregiver, the seeming intelligence of the caregiver, and the emotional availability of the caregiver. The child will attach to the person who takes care of them. If a mother is not present (proximity), competent (intelligence), and kind (emotionally available) the child will seek out a caregiver who is. (Zeifman, D. & Hazan, C., 1997)

The same is true for romantic relationships. While physical attractiveness was more important to males, and resources and money were more important to females, neither was the top choice for either sex. The top choices were kind/understanding and intelligent. (Buss, D.M., 1994) Proximity is also a major factor in the selection of a mate. Humans generally meet their mate in their hometown. It just makes sense that to develop a relationship the two people must be near one another. This proximity also lends to the same interests. It is more likely for two people to meet if they are involved in the same things: clubs, organizations, go to the same bars, etc. Most people are involved with people similar to themselves. (Zeifman, D. & Hazan, C., 1997)  It seems that adults choose their mates based on the same criteria that babies chose their caregivers.

The most striking evidence for a connection between the infant-caregiver bond and a romantic bond is the presence of separation anxiety. “It is important to note that the protest-despair-detachment sequence is observed almost exclusively in two social relational contexts: infant-caregiver relationships and adult pair bonds.” (Hazan, C. & Diamond, L.M., 2000) The initial reaction to loss of a partner is panic or anxiety. There is

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